1. Double penetration.
In a recent analysis of best-selling pornography, Bridges determined that nearly one in five scenes featured double penetration. Yet in a soon-to-be-released study, a research team including Bridges found that only 3 percent of men and 1 percent of women have actually tried this two-penis act. “In real life, it would be incredibly uncomfortable, if not painful, for women,” says Justin Sitron, Ph.D., an assistant professor of human sexuality at Widener University.
Try this instead: Part of the pleasure—for men, at least—is the vaginal tightness that doubling up creates. You can replicate that without bringing in backup: Simply rub your penis between her tightly clinched thighs, Sitron suggests, or experiment with the WeVibe, a vibrator designed to be comfortably inserted inside her along with your penis.
If women were as easily aroused as they act in porn, they’d be in the throes of an orgasm all day long. “It’s unrealistic ecstasy,” says Bridges. “Every single touch, from the looks and sounds of it, is orgasm-inducing.” The unfortunate reality: An Emory University study found that 75 percent of women have faked it—and are more likely to do so if they think you’ll fall for it. We're guessing that 20 minutes of non-stop, on-screen moaning might make you a little more gullible.
Try this instead: If your sack sessions are eerily silent, suggest turning on porn in the background for a little aural inspiration, says Sitron. If she’s not open to bringing Jesse Jane into the bedroom, you can create a playlist of songs with sexually suggestive lyrics to inspire both of you to let loose.
4. The money shot.
Nearly half of the scenes in popular porn include name-calling, according to Bridges’ analysis. What’s the point of all the slut talk? “It’s a reminder that she’s a bad girl, so it’s okay to treat her this way,” says Bridges. “She’s not somebody to be treasured.” The real-world stats: 20 percent of women have actually experienced this in the bedroom—and almost all of them didn’t like it. No surprise there: “Real people don’t enjoy being put down,” says Sitron.
Try this instead: You can take control in the bedroom—even verbally—without calling your girlfriend a whore. “Talk dirty in a question format, rather than a degrading format,” says Sitron. So for example, you might ask, “Can I spank you?” or “Can I pull your hair?”—whatever it is you want to try. That way, you’re getting permission to take control, which makes her feel a little less powerless.
5.
You’ll never see a flaccid penis in porn—which can make the idea of whipping it out while you're limp a little embarrassing. “Porn creates this script that we have to be aroused from the moment we get naked—and that seeing your penis soft will be a letdown,” says Sitron. In fact, Bridges’ research shows that the more a man watches pornography, the more likely he is to feel insecure about the size of his penis or the adequacy of his erection.
Try this instead: Stop obsessing over what’s happening downstairs, and focus on connecting with your partner. “Guys tend to see sex as a game to win or a sport to play, rather than as a shared experience or a trust-building opportunity,” says Sitron. “Accept that sex is a vulnerable experience—more than just a penis and a vagina.” So let the process of becoming erect be part of the erotic experience. “Letting your partner get you hard—letting her connect with you in that way—can be arousing in and of itself,” Sitron says.
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